He Who Began A Good Work...

For Anyone Still Reading This Blog...

2011-03-17T19:09:00.002-06:00

Hello all! I decided to start a new blog. The address is: ericalynnandersontriplea.blogspot.com.

I have a new design. The reason for a new blog is that I've changed...a lot since I started this blog and just needed/wanted to a brand new blog.

Hope to see you there!

My Special Day

2010-11-22T21:46:00.002-07:00

Today is my 7 year wedding anniversary. That's me and my love on our wedding day. The day we had our first kiss (no, I'm not kidding you). Our wedding kiss was our first kiss and it was amazing.

He sent me 3 roses today, 2 red and 1 white. Red and white. He remembered our wedding colors.

He is the most amazing man I've ever met in my life. He beat cancer. He's been home the last year raising our kids, cooking dinner, doing laundry, and cleaning the house. Is he perfect? Obviously not, but he is perfect for me.

He puts up with the neurotic, over emotional person that I am. God truly blessed me when He brought Derek and I together.

The last year and half was probably the hardest time of my life, but he stood by me. He waited for me, he prayed for me, and he loved me. Unconditionally.

I get butterflies when I look at him. I melt when he touches me. I have the best husband in the world. I thought I'd brag about him. Thanks for reading my boasting.

A Side Comment and My Horror Movie Moment

2010-10-23T20:46:00.002-06:00

Before I get to my super awesome post that I know you are all so excited to read I want to say that the Yankees have been eliminated by the Texas Rangers!! I'm stoked because frankly I hate the Yankees, almost as much as I hate the Jets.

Now on to the awesome.

Last night as we were closing up shop to go to bed the phone starts ringing, but not like a phone call ring, it's like a pager ring. I found this odd so I picked up the phone. I hear noises and stuff. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

In my imaginative watch too many moves mind the first thing I think of is some crazy killer took my phone and paged the other one to mess with me. If you've ever seen When A Stranger Calls you'd understand a little bit why I might be freaked out.

Anyway, I go check on kids under the guise that I thought maybe the kids had the phone and fell asleep with it and were rolling around with it in bed. When really I was scared that this crazy psycho who in my mind now has a hockey mask, knives for finger nails, and every other cliche horror movie villain has my kids held captive using my cordless phone as bait to kill me too.

Good news and bad news though was that my kids were fine, but I was no closer to finding where the phone was.

Here is where it gets funny. Derek goes outside to look for the phone. Turns out he took outside when he was working out there in case Kellogg's called and offered him the job (which they haven't done yet). Any who, Dubs grabbed the phone and had been chewing on it and had paged the inside phone! When Derek brought the phone in it had all of these little teeth marks on it.

I had a good laugh, hopefully you did too.

Things I love

2010-10-21T14:46:00.003-06:00

I thought I'd copy my sister (cause she's so smart and all) and write about some of my favorite things as they come to me, not in order of importance.

My husband and everything about him. I'm truly blessed.
Sticky hugs and kisses from the 3 cutest kids in the world.
Puppy kisses and snuggles from Dubs.
Coffee. Lots of it.
E-mailing Sarah again. It's wonderful, I missed her.
Talking to my Mom and Meg again. I missed them too.
Snow, we need some by the way.
Rain and thunderstorms.
A nice rare steak with sauteed mushrooms (now I'm hungry!)
Movies-funny ones, romantic ones, sometimes sad ones.
Jamming out in the car while people stare at you like you escaped from the "special" hospital.
Technology of all kinds. Seriously, I could go bankrupt.
Reading, I get lost doing it. Derek says he calls my name for like 5 min and I don't hear him (thanks Mom!)
My new Skis, again I need snow so I can use them.
My blanket, pillow, and sheet. I've had the blanket and sheet since I was in 7th grade. It will stay around forever.
My new video game. It rocks.
My $6 pack of french tip nails. They are way cool.
My new purple Roos.
Football (nothing else needs to be said)
Christmas, oh how I love that time of year.
Cooking and baking for my family.
Listening to Ashley sing, that's all she does; seriously.

I could go on all day. I'm going to stop there. I will be posting more. Stay tuned since I know you are on the edge of your seats!

Sweet Funny Boy

2010-10-20T15:05:00.002-06:00

Here is my Grizzie bear yesterday morning. This picture absolutely brightens my heart. I kinda need it right now too.

Day Off? What Day Off?

2010-10-20T14:50:00.002-06:00

Today is supposed to be my day off. I had a whole plan in place. I was going to thoroughly enjoy my children, bake, and overall relax.

What happened instead is that I got called by two customers and my boss. My boss called twice and I called her back once to clear up an issue. She was not happy and told me as much on the phone. I'm apparently not doing my job well enough.

This saddens my heart. I try very hard at my job and take pride in my work. I try the hardest I can to take care of my customers and get them what they need. The problem is that I've been there a year and have had various co-workers come and go. People whom take no pride in their work. People who lie, cheat, and steal. While I'm left to deal with angry customers who have no trust in our branch. I try the best I can to assuage their misgivings. Sometimes it goes over well sometimes not so much. We should have 3 consultants, there was usually just me. The last girl had no idea what she was doing and didn't care. She was a warm body. I was doing her work and mine. So have I made mistakes? Yes. Have I overlooked some things? Definitely. Should I be chided for it? I don't think so. Especially when I'm doing the best I can.

I love my boss. She's great. I get that she's under tons of pressure from her superiors to get numbers. Do I blame her? NO. I do, however, blame the people at the top who have no idea what it is to be the salesperson in a crumbling economy when the unemployment rate is at an all time high. I'm trying to sell a product that let's face it is a luxury and in hard times the first thing people get rid of are their luxury items. I'm doing the best I can. I can put it out there, but in the end it's their decision.

I can't wait until Derek gets a job and I can do what I'm meant to do, what I'm good at. Being a stay at home wife and mother. At least Derek won't call me up to chide me and if he did he'd be eating cereal for dinner.

There is my venting about my non-day off and my current work situation. Thanks for listening.

Stupid Jets

2010-10-17T22:15:00.002-06:00

I'm peeved. The stupid Jets won. I can't describe the distaste that leaves in my mouth!

Overtime While Exciting Causes Me Issues

2010-10-17T14:45:00.000-06:00

So yesterday UW went into double overtime with Oregon State and won when Oregon State's 2 point conversion failed. It was a very good game, but so so stressful. That's two ranked teams UW has beat this year, while everyone refuses to acknowledge just how good they are. Take that BSC rankings!! Jake Locker won't win the Heisman trophy, but he is easily the best quarterback in college football. I think him not winning the Heisman is a good things. There aren't many Heisman winners that are doing exceptionally well. I won't go into it. He should go in the first round of the draft next year. I can't wait until rankings come out tomorrow morning, Ohio State was knocked off by Wisconsin which means Boise State SHOULD be #1. It probably won't happen though because everyone refuses to acknowledge that Boise State is the best team in college football. Oregon (the criminal team) will be ranked #1 even though they had a bye yesterday. BCS rankings are crap and not at all a good indication of how good a team is.

Just now the Pats beat the Ravens by 3 in overtime. I didn't get to watch the game though because television execs only want to televise the garbage teams!! Makes me angry...anyway I had to keep up on the game with an ESPN app. Constantly refreshing it and waiting, hoping they beat the jerks that eliminated them in the playoffs last year. Take that Ray Lewis!! They play the Chargers next week, not saying it's going to be an easy one because you never know what could happen from week to week. I strongly dislike Philip Rivers, they talk that guy up like he's on the same playing field as Brady when clearly he's not. How many Superbowl titles has Rivers won? That'd be a big fat 0! The Pats are 4-1, pretty good record. They just need to hold on and play their game. When the Pats play the way I know they can play they are unstoppable. The Jets are playing the Broncos today. While I'm not a huge Broncos fan I hope they crush the Jets. I despise the Jets. If they lose the Pats take over the conference. The Jets are so overrated. They disgust me.

Blockage

2010-10-17T12:09:00.000-06:00

No, not that kind of blockage. Get your mind out of the gutter! A life blockage.

As you can see I haven't posted in a year. My life the last year and a half or so has been to put it mildly, stressful.

(Not in chronological order) My husband got cancer, my beloved grandmother died, I went crazy (for a short time), I was separated from my husband for two weeks, things were stressed with my family (it's getting better now), I lost my beloved dogs, No church family for a time, started a new job, moved etc... (I'm sure I'm missing stuff and yes I love parenthesis).

So now that I got that out I'll expound on it. Derek is in complete remission and looking for a job. He made the top 3 and has an interview with the big boss next Wednesday. I'm dealing with the loss of my grandmother, but it's still pretty hard. I'm no longer crazy (well a little, but in a good way) Derek and I are doing wonderfully thanks to God. My family and I are talking again, I'm confident things will be fully restored-again thanks to God. I have a new dog named Dubs and while he doesn't take their place he does help heal my heart where my dogs were concerned. We found a church and the people there are great. My job to put it frankly sucks, but at least I have one and God provides and is teaching me through it. We are very happy in Butte. I love it here and unless God moves us (pauses in fear) we will raise our kids here and live happily ever after with a lot of stuff in between.

So there you go. A reintroduction to my life in it's current state. Since I now have you thoroughly enthralled I will make sure to keep you informed on all the going ons.

One Giant Leap For...Erica

2009-10-07T06:26:00.000-06:00

I start my first day of work today. I'm really excited, albeit nervous. God is really stretching me (I should be taller, but alas it's spiritually). I am doing things that are causing some discomfort, but I know that's what He wants. When we are uncomfortable, we go to Him. Being in 0ur comfort zone constantly causes us to become lukewarm.

"I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." ~Revelation 3:15&16

I'm thankful to God that He is putting me in situations that cause some discomfort.

I asked God to calm nerves this morning so I opened my Bible to this:

"Fear thou not, O Jacob my servant, saith the Lord: for I am with thee;" Jeremiah 16:28(part)

God bless!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Winter

2009-09-30T08:26:00.001-06:00

It's snowing right now! I love it! I've been waiting for it since we moved here. When Alexander saw it he asked me "Mom, are we going to put up our tree now and get presents?"

Wow...

2009-09-29T19:27:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's been awhile huh? Sorry about that. I have a very good reason though.

Well, we moved to Butte! I know it was fast and unexpected, but sometimes that's how God works. We knew without a doubt God wanted us back here.

The day after we got here Derek's grandmother passed away. It was peaceful, but hard nonetheless. We are consoled with the fact that we know she is in heaven. That was followed by an intensely busy week.

Just today I finally got internet! I was going through withdrawal. That's probably a good thing though. I was also trying to find a job. I'll be working while Derek recovers. Which I'm happy to report I got the job I interviewed for on Friday! God has blessed us abundantly.

Derek is doing very well. He gets better everyday. His appetite has improved and he seems like he has more energy. He still gets fatigued, but it seems less frequent.

The kids are doing very well. They love being able to play outside in the yard. We feel such peace here. I know the Lord is working.

I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I will be more regular, hopefully you are all still reading this.

Thank you for the continued prayers and support. It's greatly appreciated.

"And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." Matthew 4:19

God Bless!

Great News and Some Bad News...For You

2009-09-09T21:17:00.000-06:00

Hello all! Sorry about the lack of updates, there hasn't been much to report and what I needed to report I wanted to make sure of the facts before I informed all of you.

Would you like the good news or bad news first? Since this isn't an interactive blog I will make the choice for you. I was trying to be nice in letting you think you had a choice when in fact you don't. I always want the bad news first, then the good news assuages any negative impact the bad news had.

From the blog title you probably gathered that this is bad news for you. I'm ecstatic and feel very positive about the new direction God is taking my family, you however, may not feel that way. We are moving back to Butte! Like I said we're very excited for it, we will miss all of you terribly, but we know this is the direction God is taking us right now. One day God just whispered upon my heart that we needed to go to Butte. I talked to Derek about it and he prayed and felt that yes that is the direction the Lord is taking us. Then we got some news that Grandma Kay (Derek's grandmother) isn't doing well health wise and we want to be there for her. I know you all probably feel blindsided by this; we did too. But this is a positive thing. I feel so encouraged by the Lord and Butte is somewhere we enjoy living.

Now for the good news. We had a conference with Derek's doctor yesterday. It was the end conference. The doctor officially used the word remission. They did 3 different tests to see if they could find the original degenerative cell that caused the myelofibrosis and in all 3 tests they couldn't find it. Now Derek's body needs time to heal. His liver and kidneys took a beating from the chemo and medication, but they are on their to healing. His spleen will continue to shrink as well as the new cells eradicate the fibrosis and make room for even more cells to grow. I was so encouraged yesterday to hear that he is in remission. It's my new favorite word.

We are leaving Seattle, but this journey is far from over. Things are uncertain as with every new journey, but one thing I am certain of is that God is directing our steps and is with us every moment.

Thank you all so much for your prayers during this trying time. We appreciate it more than you know. If you want keep coming back. I will continue to update you all on our lives and the progress of Derek's health. God has certainly blessed us.

"21And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:
22He took not away the pillar of the cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people." Exodus 13:21&22

God Bless!

Despair

2009-09-01T23:45:00.000-06:00

One of the definitions of disease is listed as:

Any harmful, depraved, or morbid condition, as of the mind or society.

You can guess how this fits in. Despair, hopelessness, desperation and all feelings like it are a morbid condition for us Christians. They prompt us to make bad and rash decisions. Decisions we wouldn’t have otherwise made if we had prayed, read our Bibles, and spent some quiet non-verbal time with God.

¹⁹but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot, ²⁰who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you. ²¹By Him ye believe in God, who raised Him up from the dead and gave Him glory, that your faith and hope might be in God. (1 Peter 1:19-21)

That our faith and hope might be in God! There is never cause to feel desperate or hopeless if our faith and hope is rooted in our never changing, all powerful, loving God.

It is hard, I must admit, when the circumstances staring us down are grim. That’s when our minds need to immediately focus on God. We need to condition ourselves as Christians to have God be our foremost thought when anything good or bad happens.

How do we condition ourselves? It is like any other conditioning method. If we want to run a marathon we don’t simply enter ourselves and go there on race day with some Gatorade and expect to finish. It takes months and months of hard work and training to prepare for something that big.

In our walk with God, we need to condition and train by being in constant communication with Him. Praying, reading, and meditation are all essential. I find myself thinking I have everything under control. I run ahead of Him only to find I am out of shape and have to stop for a moment to catch my breath. That stop I took cost me precious time, time I could have spent in communion with Him. Instead I end up playing catch up, pouring my remorseful, sinful heart out to Him. It’s a setback that should have never happened. I took my eyes off the prize and had a false sense of confidence that I could do it on my own. We all know what happens when we attempt things on our own. I’ll leave you with this.

²⁴Know ye not that those who run in a race all run, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain it. ²⁵And every man that striveth for mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown, but we an incorruptible.²⁶I therefore so run, but not with uncertainty; I so fight, but not as one that beateth the air. (1 Corinthians 9:24-26)

Halleluiah!

2009-08-27T21:02:00.000-06:00

"Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications." Psalm 28:6

This is going to be a short post, not much news since last night. Other than I guess some of the most important news I have shared so far on our journey.

Derek felt great today! The best I think since the transplant took place. God has certainly blessed him and us today. It's so amazing to watch Derek be, well, normal. It was great to watch him. It's good to have him back. Praise God!

That's all for now, thank you for your prayers. They are obviously working.

God bless!

My Sunday, Marrow Results, and My Foolish Panic

2009-08-26T21:29:00.000-06:00

First off, thank you for the outpouring of support, well wishes, and prayers on Sunday. They are so appreciated. I love that God has blessed Derek and I with such a wonderful, prayerful church family. You all bless my heart.

God blessed my Sunday immensely. I got to see all of you and spend time with one of my dearest friends who is like a sister. It's funny, I didn't plan on seeing her, but God had other plans. We were supposed to see each other so we could encourage one another in the Lord. He is so good!

I picked the kids up and the drive back went fine other than hitting some heavy traffic outside of
Easton. We were literally stopped on the freeway. I say that's not what the freeway is for, you are supposed to go fast (of course by that I mean the speed limit).

So now with the stuff you probably want to know. We had clinic today and they got the results from his day 80 marrow from Monday (he was actually day 82 when they did it). The results were great. There is a percentage they look for when they do a biopsy/aspiration. This percentage gauges how well Brian's cells are growing in Derek's body. The last marrow they did (before Monday's) was at 44%, it is now at 66%. The doctors are impressed by these numbers. It means the graph is successful and growing on it's own. Praise God! Derek is doing well other than the fluid retention he is experiencing. They prescribed him a diuretic that will hopefully get rid of all the water. I will let you know how it goes.

Now for my foolish panic. It really was foolish because at the root of my panic was a lack of trust in God. I asked if they had a date yet for when we go home (thinking we had like 3 weeks). The doctor then says "Probably next week or early the next one". I'm thinking WHAT?!?. We don't have a house, I don't have a job, we're not packed etc...For those who know me well know I like to come up with all sorts of plans and not just 1 plan, there has to be 3 plans in case you know the other 2 don't work out. I start laying these out in my head. Thinking of people to call and papers to fill out. I'm exhausted just writing it. After the doctor left Derek (he knows me well) asks what I was doing because he said and I quote "I know that look". He tried to calm and reassure me. I say try because I wasn't listening. I wanted to panic, I at least then felt like I was doing something even if it was the wrong thing. When we got home I tried to make some phone calls and do some things, but they all came to a dead end. Derek in his wisdom said "God doesn't want you figuring it out." His answer irritated me at the time because I knew he was right and in my pride I didn't want him to be. After we laid the kids down Derek told me I needed to read the excerpt for today in 'My Utmost For His Highest'. The title: Are You Ever Troubled? Immediately I thought, every stinking day. I sobered up and prayed for understanding and acceptance. It was amazing.

"When our Lord speaks peace, He creates peace, because the words that He speaks are always "spirit, and they are life" (John 6:63"
"A peace that comes from looking into His face and fully understanding and receiving His quiet contentment"
"If you are not right with God, you can never turn your mind anywhere but on yourself. Allowing anything to hide the face of Jesus Christ from you either causes you to become troubled or gives you a false sense of security."
"...If you only try to worry your way out of the problem, you destroy His effectiveness in you, and you deserve whatever you get. We become troubled because we have not been taking Him into account. When a person confers with Jesus Christ, the confusion stops, because there is no confusion in Him. Lay everything out before Him, and when you are faced with difficulty, bereavement, and sorrow, listen to Him say, "Let not your heart be troubled..."(John 14:27)"
-Excerpts from "My Utmost For His Highest" (August 26)

Sorry about how long those were, but they really spoke to my heart. I give it all to Him and trust that He take care of it, He has so far.

Prayer requests: A house in Yakima with 3 bedrooms that allows a dog, a job for me; preferably secretarial work, trust in Him, and listening more than talking.

Hope you are all doing well.

God bless!

Hello My Loyal Readers!

2009-08-17T11:14:00.000-06:00

Hi! How are you guys? We're doing pretty good. I'm happy, the Partriots beat the Eagles on Thursday. Brady looked good.

Now on to the stuff you guys want to know about. Derek is doing pretty good. He got blood Saturday, but like I said that's routine. His neutrophils took a big jump from Saturday to Sunday on their own. That's a good sign.

Here is the big exciting news! While we don't yet have a go home date they said they are going to start his go home work up next week. I think all the tests take around 2 weeks. So if everything goes according to plan (ha!) we should be able to go home mid-September! The tests they do are similar to the work up when we first got here.

Some prayer requests for when we leave if you please: A house that allows us to have a dog. It can't be on well water. We'll need it when we get out of here. All of my family is on well water so we can't stay with them when we get back. Well water isn't as purified as normal water so Derek can't consume it. A job for me. Something with relatively good hours. I'm thinking some type secretary job. I'm pretty good with computers and such and they usually have good hours.

I appreciate the prayers so much! They are so beneficial to our health. Not just physical but spiritual as well. I can't wait to come home and see all of you. We can all praise God for how He has taken care of us. We serve such an awesome God!

I'll let you know more when we have some dates. I'll post our phone number again in case anyone hears of any houses.

206-262-9003

"For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well .My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee." Psalm 139:13-18.

God bless!

I Can Finally Write!

2009-08-10T21:29:00.001-06:00

Hello all! We're here and doing fine. I was gone all last week and our internet has been acting up. A trip that was supposed to last 1 night ended up lasting 4 nights. Jerry, Meg, and the kids were in town visiting and we decided to go camping with my Dad and step mom, Julie. Her family owns some property on Hood canal and we thought it'd be fun to go camping for a night. It was fun until Grizzie (Asher) spiked a fever in the middle of the night. He was pretty sick. I felt really bad for him. The fever was off and on, but we couldn't go home and risk exposing Derek to whatever Griz had. It was a hard week on that aspect. A good aspect is that I got to spend a lot of time with my Dad, sister, brother-in-law, and my niece and nephew. It was fun, but also good to get back home to Derek.

Derek is doing well. Since I last posted he contracted a virus (nothing serious). It's called CMV. It isn't serious unless you are immunosuppressed, which Derek is. They have him on an IV medication called Foscarnet. His numbers have continued to hold. He'll probably have to get blood tomorrow which is no big deal and is to be expected. The results of the bone marrow biopsy came back. They were good. No virus in the marrow and he has completely engrafted. I was worried at first when his numbers started to decline that it might be graph rejection, but the doctors said that he is fully engrafted, Praise God!

The kids are doing well. I took Ashley for a girls day yesterday. We went to the mall, had lunch, and she got a purse. It's pink and came with some little lip glosses in it. She slept with it. It was great though. I think we both really needed it. Derek and Alexander went with his Uncle Bill to their cabin. Brian, Danielle, and their kids are in town for vacation. It was a full day, but it sounds like they had fun. Alexander got to ride his first ferry. Derek said he asked questions the entire time. He is so inquisitive. Diann (Derek's aunt) took Asher to the zoo. She said he loved the gorillas. She said they were wrestling around and Griz loved it.

I hope everyone is doing well. Sorry for the delay in updates. I will try to be more diligent in writing. One last thing, football is starting soon! I can't wait! Sorry, I had to sneak that in. It's my favorite time of year. What's that I hear about USC being ranked something other than 1st?

"⁴Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. ⁶Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. ⁷And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4, 6&7

God bless!

Sorry For The Gap

2009-07-29T09:29:00.001-06:00

I know it's been awhile. Sorry about that. The only excuse I can provide is that we've been busy. Derek's numbers have continued to decline and the doctors have been rearranging things in hopes that it would cause his numbers to increase. His appointments have been different than what we're used to, he's been getting blood, and there have been some medication changes. The problem is that his numbers have continued to decline.

I can't stress this enough though, nobody seems too worried. While they want to figure out what's going on they don't seem to believe it's anything really big. My big worry is that the graph is failing, but his nurse has assured us that the graph took.

They said that myelofibrosis is the hardest disease to come back from in relation to the graph. It takes a really long time for your numbers to reflect your progress. This being because of the scar tissue that has built up in the bone marrow. It's hard for the baby cells to get in there and start to reproduce. The scar tissue has to be eradicated and that takes time.

Derek is having a bone marrow aspiration done today. Your prayers would be appreciated. I'll let you know how it goes and what the doctors say.

I hope you all are doing well and staying cool. It's been very hot here. I love it, except at night.

"Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!"
~Psalm 107:19-21

God bless!

The Actual Blog

2009-07-17T14:39:00.000-06:00

So here is the post I promised. I put the kids down (for a nap, not forever), changed Derek's Hickman line dressing, and hooked him up to some hydration.

Yes, you read that right. He is back on hydration (did I already tell you that?). He also had to go get 2 units of blood yesterday. His hematocrit was pretty low (23%). All is well though, so no worries.

I think I told you that his kidney numbers were up (I think that was the reason for more hydration). The numbers are still elevated, but they are running some new tests and keeping him on fluids to make sure everything functions properly.

One reason for his hematocrit dropping so rapidly is that before transplant Derek's blood type was A+. Brian's blood type is O+. Thus making Derek O+ after transplant. Well, Brian's cells are alive and well in Derek's body and they are now recognizing Derek's A+ cells as foreign. They are playing a game of Space Invaders inside Derek's body and killing off the A+ blood cells. This causes his hematocrit level to drop.

Some good news! His spleen is getting smaller!

The doctors aren't worried about all of the new developments, but because small things can turn into big things, they need to check out and maintain every tiny detail of Derek's body.

The kids are doing well, the weather has been nice here. We take them to a park that is by our apartment. They enjoy that.

I'm still trying to find my groove. It's coming along, but at times it's hard to shift into the different roles I need to fill. Going from mother to caregiver to wife can be a struggle sometimes, but God is definitley there helping me along. He gave me this yesterday:

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
~Isaiah 41:10

Awesome, huh? The verse speaks for itself. It was a great comfort to my heart yesterday morning when I read that. I'm not doing it by myself, I have the Creator of the universe telling me not to fear and that He will uphold me with His right hand. I love it.

Thanks for the prayers and support. We miss you all. Hope you are all doing well.

God bless!

A Blog For A Blog

2009-07-17T10:17:00.000-06:00

I'm writing to tell you I do have an update, but I'm going to write while the kids are napping. That way I can write uninterrupted. Hope you are all doing well!

God bless!

It Brings A New Meaning To The Word Tired

2009-07-12T21:46:00.000-06:00

As you can tell by the title of the post, I'm exhausted. It should get better as we get used to having the kids again. I'm trying to incorporate Derek's care and the kids' care. The problem is that there is so much to remember. The good thing is that it is forcing me to get super organized. Otherwise, very important things would not get done.

The kids are adjusting well. I think they are glad to be back with us. Tonight, I took Ashley for a walk and then we got ice cream. It was good to get some one on one time with her. I think it helps with her behavior.

We took them to the zoo on Friday. They had a lot of fun. I'll post pictures later (due to the late hour, I'm lazy). Alexander's birthday was Saturday. He had a good day. I'll post pictures of that later too(see above).

I hope everyone is doing well. Derek had to go back on IV hydration. His kidney levels are increasing. They also decreased the level of one of his medications. Hopefully that brings his kidney levels back to normal. I will let you know what we find out.

We moved into a new apartment, that means a new phone number and new apartment number. They are:

525 Minor Ave. N
Apt. 202
Seattle, WA 98109
206-262-9003

We appreciate the prayers and support. Please pray that I am able to efficiently care for everybody in the household. My sincerest desire is to see that my family is loved, cared for, and healthy or on the way to getting healthy.

^"10But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.¹¹To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10&11

God Bless!

"I've Been Ready For This My Whole Life"

2009-07-09T08:33:00.000-06:00

It' here! I'm picking my kids up today! I haven't seen them in 4 whole weeks. I think it's been the longest 4 weeks of my life. It has also been an informative, growing 4 weeks. The kind of growing only God can accomplish.

It's now time to start a new chapter in this story we call our life.

I talked to the kids on the phone the other day and they are pretty excited to come here. I was relieved at that. I had crazy thoughts go through my head. Like maybe they didn't want to live with us anymore. What if I forgot how to be a mom, my mom and Derek both assured me that no, I did not forget how to be a mom. I know God is going to bless this time for our family.

Some prayer requests: That's I'll be able to manage Derek's care and the kids' care, that my sights remain fixed on the Lord and His Glory, and that I remember the amazing miracles God has performed through this.

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God" Hebrews 12:2

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Good News! Wonderful News!

2009-07-07T20:15:00.000-06:00

Derek and I moved our stuff to a bigger apartment today. It took many trips up and down the elevator, but it was worth it. We have a lot more space.

Why may you ask do we need more space? Because my lovely children are coming to live with us! My Dad and I are driving to Sunnyside to pick them up on Thursday. I can't wait! I will explain how this came about.

I got a phone call yesterday and after hanging up I felt a heaviness settle on me. The heaviness was missing my children so much. I miss every single thing. Even getting woke up before 6 in the morning. I prayed after that phone call. I don't think I could tell you exactly what I prayed, but God understood my heart. I love it when He does that. I talked to Derek about it and we agreed that we'd try to arrange for the kids to live with us. We didn't know if it would work though. Three things needed to happen first.

1) We needed a bigger place. I went to the manager's office here to see if we could transfer. I wasn't sure if it would be possible seeing as how there is a wait list here for apartments. They got back to me later and said they had a 1 bedroom on the 2nd floor. We wouldn't have to worry about people below us, so the kids can play normally and it is off a terrace that we can take the kids to. Problem 1 solved!

2) I needed to make sure it was o.k. with Derek's health. I called his nurse and she told me it was fine and they have resources at S.C.C.A to help us. Problem 2 solved!

3) I wanted to make sure that insurance would still pay for our apartment because the rent was more. I talked to someone at our insurance and found out that they will cover the cost of our rent every month. Problem 3 solved!

This all happened in one day! Not even a full day, more like 4 hours.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." James 1:17

Derek is doing really well right now. He has 2 blood draws a week and 1 clinic appt. a week. The blood draws are to monitor that his counts are coming up and that he is metabolizing his medications the right way. His clinic appt. is kinda funny. Derek is doing so well that when we go they ask him a series of questions, to which Derek answers no to. Then they get his temp, weight, blood pressure, and they look at his mouth. That's the gist of our appts. We might have a couple of others here and there, but those are the majority of our regularly scheduled appts.

I hope everyone is doing well. I appreciate the prayers, help, and support. It is invaluable.

"We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is meet, because that your faith groweth exceedingly, and the charity of every one of you all toward each other aboundeth;"
~2 Thessalonians 1:3

God bless!

Here It Is

2009-07-06T17:21:00.000-06:00

I have been informed by some people (cough cough Bryson cough) that I don't update enough. So here it is for you guys.

Things are good. *secret smile*

God bless!

We're Here! We're Here! We're Here!

2009-07-02T19:14:00.001-06:00

Sorry for the long wait in updating. There actually isn't much to report. Derek is doing really well. We had clinic today and the doctors are amazed at how well he's doing. He had a Day 28 marrow yesterday, but the results aren't back yet. I'll let you know when they are.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for your support and prayers.

God bless!

Progress, Progress

2009-06-24T10:29:00.000-06:00

Derek is doing great. His numbers continue to go up and he feels really good. There honestly isn't much to report about him. No news is good news!

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for reading and praying, we appreciate it.

God bless!

Take Joy My King

2009-06-24T10:09:00.000-06:00

I had some song sheets from church stuffed in my Bible. I came across them yesterday when I opened my Bible. There were two songs that really blessed me. I'll talk about one of them (if I went over both this would be a very long entry), I'll talk about the other song in a different entry.

Anyway, the song was I Love You Lord. It goes like this:

I love You Lord, and I lift my voice
To worship You, O my soul, rejoice

Take joy my King, in what You hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear

That song got me thinking about God taking joy in me. I've never thought about that before (sadly). I've thought about me taking joy in God. Because lets face it, His joy is awesome! I was thinking though about how I long for God to be joyful about me. For Him to look at me, one of his many creations, and have utter joy.

Joy that I came to Him first. That when everything felt like it was collapsing around me and I couldn't breathe, I got on my knees and cried out to Him. I know that God doesn't take joy in our sufferings and pain. I know He doesn't rejoice that Derek has cancer.

I do think He takes joy in the outcome of our sufferings though. That through all of this I learn to come before Him and be exposed at the first sign of trouble in my life. That while it may be o.k. to have doubts about what is going on in my life, it's not o.k. to hold onto those doubts and try to handle them myself. Because we all know how incompetent we are when it comes to God's job.

"The Lord is with you, while ye be with Him; and if ye seek Him, He will be found of you;"
2 Chronicles 15:2a&b

Is There Anything?

2009-06-21T19:42:00.000-06:00

We are home (our temporary home)! Derek was discharged yesterday evening. We had a lab and clinic today and his counts went up again! It's so exciting to actually watch and see the evidence of God's handiwork.

I hope everyone had a blessed Sabbath. I'll update as I get more news, but for now all they'll do is monitor Derek's counts.

"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27

God bless!

Triple! Triple I Tell You!

2009-06-19T18:00:00.000-06:00

I have good news! Derek's neutrophils tripled! I have more good news! Derek is getting released from the hospital tomorrow! It'll be nice to establish some sort of routine with all this. I'll let you know how things go tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well.

God bless!

Day 15...

2009-06-18T10:27:00.000-06:00

^"1God be merciful unto us, and bless us; and cause his face to shine upon us; Selah.²That thy way may be known upon earth, thy saving health among all nations. ³Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee. ⁴O let the nations be glad and sing for joy: for thou shalt judge the people righteously, and govern the nations upon earth. Selah. ⁵Let the people praise thee, O God; let all the people praise thee. ⁶Then shall the earth yield her increase; and God, even our own God, shall bless us.⁷God shall bless us; and all the ends of the earth shall fear him." Psalm 67

I read that this morning. Isn't it awesome? God is good! Last night after Derek went to bed I picked up my Bible and started reading. While reading I felt such immense joy. That kind of joy that can only come from the Lord. "But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." ~1 Peter 4:13. God has definitely been revealing His glory to me through this. God is awesome! I can't say that enough!

Now onto updates, news, and thanks. I'll start with the thank yous. As always thank you for the prayers. They help in ways I don't think we'll know this side of Heaven. I also want to thank you all for being there for my mom, Alexander, Ashley, and Asher. It's so great to know that people we love and trust are taking care of our kids. It enables us to focus on what we need to here. Thanks again.

I have a couple of things to ask of everyone out there. If you guys could please be on the lookout for places to rent in Yakima/Lower Valley we would appreciate it. I'm thinking we will be home sometime in September. It seems like quite a ways off, but I know it will come up fast. Preferably something with 3-4 bedrooms and that would maybe allow Moses. I might also need to get some type of job when we get back. If you guys could be praying about that I would appreciate it.

Now for news on Derek. His white count went up, AGAIN! We don't have the neutrophil number back yet. They have stayed the same the last two days. The neutrophils, to try and explain so it's not confusing (did I go over this already? Hope not), are the first line of defense in your immune system. They are the ones that recognize infections, bacteria, etc... and attack it. They took his neutrophils down to zero. They are slowly coming back, but this is the number they watch to make sure the transplant is really grafting. This is also the number they use as criteria to let him out of the hospital. The neutrophil numbers always come in later than the other ones (the pathologists actually count each and every one of the neutrophils in Derek's blood). I'm using a lot of parenthesis today, I kinda like them. Anyway, the doctors say that Day 15 (which is what today is) is usually when they see the counts really start to go up. It usually takes longer with Myelofibrosis patients because of the amount of scar tissue and fibrous tissue built up in the marrow. It's takes longer for the cells to root in and find their spaces. Once they do though, they will start to heal and push out the fibrous tissue.

So we are just hanging out waiting for Derek's numbers to go up. Praising God for his provision, peace, and joy. I have been feeling immense amounts of peace and joy so I know the prayers are working. Thanks again.

God bless!

Double Double White Counts Aren't Trouble

2009-06-17T15:36:00.000-06:00

I couldn't resist rhyming. I love rhyming! On with the reason for the blog.

Derek's white counts doubled! The doctors are amazed at Derek and how well he is/has been doing. He's been feeling a lot better too. He gets better everyday. Thank you for the prayers!

"When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Mark 2:17

God bless!

Woo Hoo!

2009-06-16T16:20:00.000-06:00

We have white counts! Which means the transplant is grafting! That's the news for now. I'll update as we get more info.

"I will praise thee, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will show forth all thy marvelous works."
Psalm 9:1

God Bless!

This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made

2009-06-14T10:29:00.000-06:00

Hello to you all! I hope your fellowship at church was enlightening and nourishing. I apologize for the lack of updates. The truth is that there isn't much to report. Right now we are waiting for his counts to come in. We are Day 11 today and Day 13 is usually when counts come in. In case I didn't explain before about the counts I will now. The chemo killed off Derek's cells. They do daily blood draws to keep track of how is counts are progressing. His white count right now is zero. Which is why we have to be so careful about germs. When Brian's stem cells graph Derek's white count will start to go up. Derek's system will accept Brian's cells, Brian's cells (which are Derek's now) will then go through Derek's system and kill all of the fibrosis to make room for the new cells being made. So right now we are waiting to see Derek's white count go up so we know the transplant was successful. I hope that made sense. If not, in a comment ask questions I will try to clarify.

God has been so faithful and amazing. I'm going to be completely bare in my writings here. I pray that in doing so everyone reading will be able to be apart of our journey. This weekend was pretty rough. My mom and the kids left Thursday and to be honest I was a wreck. I didn't turn to God like I should have. Instead I wallowed in my sadness.

Friday night I was forced to my knees to repent of the state of my heart. I cried out to God. I asked Him to please show me something. To let me know He was still there. I opened up my Bible to a non-specific place and I ended up on the title page for the book of Job. While it is quite laughable I felt that God was indeed telling me something. I was looking through Job and I came to a part that really spoke to my heart.

Job 42:1-6 KJV
(1)"Then Job answered the lord, and said (2) I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. (3) Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? Therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me to, which I knew not. (4) Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee (question thee), and declare thou unto me. (5) I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear; but now mine eye seeth thee; (6) Wherefore I abhor(despise) myself, and repent in dust and ashes."

The title of that section is "Job Submits to God". That's exactly what I did. I repented and submitted myself to God. The anxiety I was feeling went away at that point. I experienced "peace that surpasseth all understanding". It was wonderful and amazing. God wants me to Himself. He wants my thoughts and actions to be completely surrendered to Him.

I read psalm 34 this morning, which I recommend reading. You can do that here. It's amazing!

I will add one more thing to this lengthy entry. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Psalm 37:4

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

I've read this verse tons of times and this never registered with me. If I'm delighting myself in the Lord the desires of my heart will be only Him! So instead of a long list of I wants and I need. My list will have one very large and important thing on it: Christ. He's already given that to me. Anything else is dessert.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your prayers, they are definitely working.

God bless!

Sorry So Late!

2009-06-08T20:13:00.001-06:00

I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've updated. My mom and the kids got here Thursday and we've been pretty busy. It's been great though. I'll post pictures later.

Derek is doing well. We are Day 5 today. He was pretty sick the day of the transplant and the doctors said that was normal. As long as they stay up on his anti-nausea meds he does o.k. We won't see a rise in his counts until Day 13. We'll find out then how the transplant actually went. We appreciate all the prayers on the day of the transplant.

I'll blog in length later, but I just wanted you all to know that we are doing well.

God Bless!

Happy 3rd Birthday!

2009-06-03T11:07:00.000-06:00

Today is Derek's 3rd birthday. He is scheduled to get the transplant at 12 p.m. today.

Derek isn't feeling well at all right now. They say it's normal because the chemo is catching up with him. His counts have also bottomed out. It's frustrating to sit here and watch him be sick and know I can't do anything for him. I want to make it all better. All your prayers are appreciated during this time.

On a more positive note, the kids get here tomorrow! I can't wait to squeeze them! It's Ashley Marie's birthday on Saturday. I love birthdays! Especially ones where I get to buy presents. I don't know if I mentioned in my last blog that I got tickets to take the kids to the aquarium and the Pacific Science Center. They should really enjoy that.

Well, that's all for now. I'll update after the transplant and let you all know how it went. One more note: Happy Birthday Sarah Diane!

God Bless!

And Then He Rested...

2009-06-02T11:03:00.000-06:00

Today is Derek's rest day. He had his last day of chemo yesterday. Derek is doing very well. Brian is going through Apheresis today. Click here to read what that is.

Derek should get his transplant tomorrow! Happy Birthday to him! There isn't much to report (which is a great thing). I just wanted to let you all know that he is doing well and things are on schedule.

One more thing! My mom is bringing the kids on Thursday! I'm so excited!

Thank you for all the prayers. Hope you are all doing well.

God bless!

God is Good!

2009-05-29T10:42:00.000-06:00

I have great news! I got here this morning and Derek looks great. He only got sick once last night. He was able to sleep all night, which wasn't the case the two previous nights before. Thank you for all your prayers regarding Derek's health.

They are being very prophylactic about his nausea medication. Which seems to be helping. He hasn't eaten in the last day or so. They said that's o.k. though. The swelling in his face has gotten a lot better too.

It was so encouraging this morning to come in and see Derek up and around. I love serving the God I serve!

Thanks again for all your prayers, they're working!

God bless!

Prayers Needed

2009-05-28T15:26:00.000-06:00

Last night and today so far have been rough. Derek has been pretty sick. They are going to give him some stronger anti-nausea meds that hopefully will work better. Please pray.

Some of my personal issues are remembering to rely on the Lord. Right now I'm internalising all of this and it isn't having a good effect on my mind and spirit. Please pray that I go to God for ALL of it. I want to learn and grow all I can from this experience and so far I feel as if I'm floundering. I feel pretty isolated as well. For quite awhile now I've had Derek and my kids to take care of and now I don't. It's an odd feeling that I don't like.

When you're stay at home mom sometimes all you crave is alone time (at least for me). Or selfish time as I'm learning to see it. Now I feel like the Israelites in the desert when they got tired of manna and kept crying and complaining that they wanted meat. God finally gave it to them until it came out their noses. I'm gonna bet they got tired of meat and were satisfied with their manna. I craved alone time so much and now God has given it to me in abundance.

I'm now thankful and wistful for those packed days. Those days that revolved around meal times, nap times, grocery shopping, playing, cleaning, and most importantly loving. These are the lessons that I pray are written on my heart and remembered always.

As always, we are thankful for your prayers. I pray everyone is doing well.

God bless!

Admitted

2009-05-27T11:41:00.001-06:00

We are here! In the hospital! We arrived here at 8:15 this morning. They had his room all set up, it was so easy! Derek's nurse is great. Something funny is her husband went to school with Derek in Butte.

He will get his first dose of chemo this afternoon sometime after they hydrate him. He is going to be getting two kinds of chemo. The first kind is called Cytoxan and that is given for two days. The second kind is called Busulfin and that is given for four days.

I can see Husky stadium from the window of Derek's hospital room! I'm going to take a picture later.

Thanks for reading. I hope I'm not boring anyone too much. Hope you are all doing well.

God bless!

The Hickman Line

2009-05-26T13:03:00.000-06:00

Hello everybody! I hope your Memorial Day weekends went well. We had a great weekend. We drove to Sunnyside to see our kids. It was so great! I'll post pictures later. If you are wondering why weren't in church it's because we have to be careful about being around large groups of people. The potential to get sick rises and if I get sick I can't care for Derek. That's one of the reasons the kids are staying in Sunnyside while we are here. I don't have words to describe how wonderful it was to see the kids. I got to hug and cuddle them, read them stories, pray with them, and play with them. It was hard to leave them and they cried, but I know that God has them in the palm of His hand.

We are waiting right now for Derek to get his Hickman line put in. If you want to know what that is click here. The procedure should take about 90 minutes. After the procedure Derek is not allowed to sign any documents, make life altering decisions, or assume the care of another person for 12-24 hours. I thought that was pretty funny.

Derek is being admitted tomorrow. He also gets his first round of chemo tomorrow. I will let you all know how that goes tomorrow.

Thank you for all your prayers! God bless!

Moving It Back

2009-05-16T19:21:00.000-06:00

The last I wrote Derek was having his oral examination and the result of that was...he needs 4 teeth pulled and the roots amputated on the another 2. Derek can't have dental work done for a year after his transplant. The reason is that he will have no immune system and the mouth is a dirty place. The risk for infection and bacteria leaking out is high while working on teeth, they want to take care of any (potential) problems now. So he had 2 pulled yesterday and the roots amputated on another 2. When we got home last night around 7, Derek took something for the pain and crashed. I was glad he got some good sleep. He had some bleeding today, which is a cause of concern for patients at SCCA (Seattle Cancer Care Alliance), because their platelet counts can drop. I called the nurse and she said his latest blood draw showed that his platelet counts were OK. She also said that if the bleeding didn't get better in a half hour to call. Praise God though because it subsided. Because he has this dental stuff going on they postponed his chemo/transplant a week. Instead of starting chemo on the 20th and transplant on the 28th he is starting chemo on the 27th and transplant on the 4th. This is also tentative, but I will let you know the changes in the schedule as I get them.

I took my classes this past week. Boy was there a lot of info. Please pray that I retain the knowledge. I am also insecure about my ability to care for Derek after his transplant. I know that God will give me strength and through Him I can do all things, but Derek and I feel as of late that we are being attacked. I'm pretty sure that this is where the insecurity is coming from. Please pray for protection over our minds and hearts.

The kids are doing well. I talk to them on the phone and I can tell they are happy. My mom is doing a great job with them. Please continue to pray for her. I know she appreciates it. I'm hoping to see them soon. Grizzie (Asher) is talking up a storm. Ashley is pretty much potty trained (all credit goes to my mom). Alexander is probably working on solving some math equation (if you know Alexander, you get why I say that).

Oscar is at a rescue, awaiting adoption. Though this does break my heart, I am at peace with it. Through Godly council God made me see that this was the best option for my family. I do feel a tremendous amount of relief that he is being taken care of. I can now focus more of my energy on our situation here instead of on the problem with Oscar.

I believe that is all the news for now. Thanks for reading and for all your prayers.

God bless!

Waiting...

2009-05-11T11:36:00.001-06:00

Hey everybody! I'm sitting here while Derek is having an oral examination. They just want to make sure there isn't a risk for infection in his mouth. Infection can be a real problem for people without immune systems.

Friday went well. His biopsy went smoothly. Thank you for the prayers. The nurse who did the biopsy, her name is Rebecca, was awesome. He did have some bleeding afterward, but it was controllable.

The weekend was rough. I don't know if it was the tests or what, but Derek wasn't feeling well. He slept a lot. It had me pretty worried. He also had an anxiety attack on Saturday while we were downtown. It was pretty scary. God was faithful though to get us through it. I'm going to mention it to his nurse, Pat. See if there is anything I should be doing differently.

This week is mostly packed with appointments. Things like MRI's and EKG's. I take my classes this week. I'm pretty excited. We also meet with the nutritionist tomorrow.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you again for your prayers. They are much appreciated.

God bless!

Spiritual Bone Marrow

2009-05-07T22:04:00.000-06:00

I'm going to explain the process that Derek is going to go through and then I'll tell you my thought.

Derek's bone marrow is fibrous. Scar tissue has built up inside of his bones making it so his red blood cells can't occupy that space. That's the reason they have traveled to his spleen. (that's a side issue though) His cells aren't dividing correctly. He's basically not producing enough red blood cells, platelets, and white blood cells.

So the process to cure it is to give his chemotherapy to kill off all of his bad cells. Once they've done this they will then take stem cells that they have collected from Brian (Derek's brother) who is a match and will transfuse them into Derek. The cells will then go where they need to go and start to divide and produce. They will also attack any lingering bad cells and fill up the bone marrow space. The amazing thing is that Derek now has Brian's immune system. Brian's cells are Derek's now. The inside of Derek's body isn't his anymore. He essentially gets a new identity inside.

I was thinking about this and God had me realize something. That's what all of this is! The trials we go through, the storms we weather are spiritual chemotherapy. God is killing us inside (in a good way)! He is getting rid of our baser natures. He is creating space so He can fill us. The bad cells and the good cells can't occupy the same space. When that happens, we slowly begin to die. Every time I pray and every time I read my Word another bad cell is killed thus leaving more space for Him. We need to be cleaned out, in order for Christ to infuse us with His blood. Blood that was given freely so that we may experience eternal life! God is good!

God bless!

Going Here, Going There

2009-05-07T21:20:00.000-06:00

We had our second day of appointments today.

Yesterday Derek had his blood drawn, he had a physical, and we met his nurse, her name is Pat. Who I love by the way! God has certainly blessed us. Every person we have encountered has been wonderful. Our apartment is awesome. The managers are nice and we have met people going through the same things we are. Please pray that God's light shines through us.

Today we met with a financial representative. Her name is Sarah and she's great. (I'm going to have to come up with some better adjectives) She handles all of our insurance/financial stuff. We also met with a social worker, her name is Doris. She handles social work stuff (I'm not exactly sure what that entails) She was great too. Then we met with his doctor and Derek signed a stack of paper that rivaled mortgage paperwork.

Tomorrow is a big day. Derek has a bone marrow biopsy, a blood draw, a pulmonary function test, an oral check-up w/x-rays, and radiology for MUGA (which evaluates the function of his heart). Please pray the bone marrow biopsy goes smoothly.

The tentative plan is for Derek to start chemo on May 20th and transplant May 28th. That could change, but as of now that's it.

We are doing well. We are adjusting. Derek is adjusting to not working and I'm adjusting to life outside of my children. It's harder than I thought it was going to be.

I miss them so much. It's funny. It's the little things that I find myself craving. Alexander's tendency to give random hugs and "I love you's" Ashley's tendency to make-up songs and dance and Asher's tendency to eat everything he can touch and the snuggling he does when he's tired. God is sustaining me in a way I didn't know was possible.

He gave me these verses this morning:

(1a)"Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. (2) When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. (3) For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, they Savior: I gave Egypt for they ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee. (4) Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honorable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life. (5) Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring they seed from the east, and gather thee from the west; (7) Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him." Isaiah 43:1a-5, 7

I know it's long, but it was such a comfort to my heart. He is such a wonderful and gracious God.

If you have any questions at all, please ask in your comment and I will do my best to answer them. Thank you for your prayers they are much appreciated.

God bless!

Update and a Praise!

2009-04-22T17:51:00.000-06:00

I got a call today. Not just any call. It was the call.

Our apartment in Seattle is available and waiting for us! Praise God!

He just keeps coming through. I love serving the God I serve. He makes miracles happen.

"Behold, I am the Lord, the god of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27

God bless!

New Neighbors, God's blessings, and My Flaws

2009-04-18T22:36:00.000-06:00

Derek met our new neighbors today. They are a blessing from God.

This will seem a little off subject, but just go with it for a minute.

Our grass was starting to resemble the jungle. In some areas it was over your ankles. This is because we don't have a lawnmower. Now since we are going to be leaving in a couple of weeks anyway I thought to myself "Hey let's leave the grass and somebody else can mow it" I know it's not the best attitude, but me and grass have a bit of a hate/hate relationship. Mostly because when I sit on it, touch it, or look at it I break out in hives, my eyes swell up, and I sneeze uncontrollably. It's worse if the grass is mowed. So you can see it's not that I'm lazy (really I'm not), I was just protecting myself.

Anyway, back on point. Our neighbor, Jason, came up to Derek while he was outside picking up after our dogs (no explanation needed right? If you need one contact me and I'll laugh at you) He told Derek that his son would mow our lawn for us since we didn't have a lawnmower. That in itself is awesome, but Jason also had a tattoo on his arm that said "Jesus saves". Jason is also on oxygen because he has a genetic disease that requires Jason to need a double lung transplant.

God used this to show me that A) There are always people that are in more need than you and B) I'm selfish and self-involved.

Jason needs this huge transplant and he is out there offering help to his neighbors. He is out there ministering and giving of himself. He isn't using his circumstances to isolate himself (cough...me..cough) or using it as an excuse to God that he's busy.

Man, I suck. I do all of the negative things I just listed. I'm just glad God brought it to my attention. He is so good to graciously point out our flaws. I love Him even more for it.

So I think that I'm going to bake them something. Hopefully, my awesome oven (can you sense the sarcasm? Hopefully and if you can't contact me and I'll point out the definition of sarcasm in the dictionary) will not screw it up.

We have church tomorrow and I'm teaching in the 3 &4 year olds. Please pray for me! I love to teach, I'm just hoping the message impacts the kids and makes a difference in their little, but very impressionable lives.

Hope you all are having a great weekend!

God bless!

Not Much

2009-04-18T22:23:00.000-06:00

Not much to update on. Except last night I had to pull a raising out of Ashley's nose with the tweezers. I can't believe how far up there she got it! She's a handful that one.

Here is what we did today:

Derek and I had a good talk today. We had been isolating ourselves and fretting over things. Turns out we were fretting about the same things! We are now on the same page and everything is out in the open. I love how much closer I feel to him now.

We took the kids to the park today since the weather was so nice. I wish I would have brought my camera, but I forgot it. They had lots of fun though.

Alexander is so daring. Derek was pushing him on the swings and all he keeps saying is "Higher, go higher!" Derek gave him a push and Alexander responded with "That is a baby push" The things that kid comes up with. I put Ashley on the swing and pushed her a little and she proceeded to freak out and asked to get off. Turns out she is like Derek in the fear of heights department. Asher is pretty easygoing. He spent the majority of his time at the park picking up the small rocks and throwing them. He was also especially interested in the garbage that littered the ground. That prompted me to follow him around yelling "Drop that! That's gross!"

After we all got up from our naps we decided to get some dinner. It's been so long since we've been out to eat as a family. It was a lot of fun and I could tell the kids enjoyed it. It's a special treat and I think at their age they already get that.

It was a good, relaxing day. Just the way I like it!

God Bless!

As Promised

2009-04-15T08:00:00.000-06:00

Here are pictures like I promised. There aren't any from Terie's. I get so wrapped up in watching the kids and making sure nobody is into anything that I forget about my camera. Enjoy!

Alexander all dressed up.
Ashley in her pretty dress.
Isn't he handsome?
Holding his new army tank.
Playing with his construction toys.
Dressed like a princess.

Easter and My New Laptop

2009-04-14T19:57:00.000-06:00

I am writing to you from the comfort of my couch. As opposed to the uncomfortable, cold desk chair. My laptop arrived yesterday and it's awesome!

Maybe you remember in my previous posts how much I love electronic gadgets. I could go bankrupt buying them.

I did have a bit of trouble importing my music. I didn't know I had that much music until I had to transport it all. I thought I'd be able to just put it on a flash drive plug into the laptop and upload. But alas, it was not to be.

I had to burn the music to discs and then import. It took forever! I think I've got it all though. There were some casualties though.

We've had some answers to prayer. God keeps showing me how faithful and wonderful He is! I love it!

I can feel people's prayers with us. I appreciate it so much! God is going to get ALL the GLORY!

Easter was awesome! The kids had lots of fun. We went to my Aunt Terie's house and had an egg hunt and ate dinner. It was all very lovely. I have pictures, but I'm too lazy to post them right now. I will post them though, I promise!

I hope you all had a blessed Easter! I'm so thankful for what Easter represents. The death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior is most assuredly a privilege to get to celebrate.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 1 John 1:7

God Bless!

A Much Needed Date

2009-04-10T08:42:00.000-06:00

Derek and I went on a date last night! It was wonderful! The food was great and the company even better (don't judge for the cheese). A good friend watched the kids while Derek and I got some time to ourselves.

After dinner we went to Starbucks and got a coffee. We sat there and just talked. There were no interruptions! Nobody asking for more juice, no diapers to change, no wiping mouths, or worrying about somebody spilling what was in their cup.

It felt like it did when we were first married and we had the luxury of being selfish with our time. When we got home, I felt energized, relaxed, and happy. It was all much needed.

On a side note: if you could please pray that we find a home for our German Shepherd, I would appreciate it. I had a lady lined up, but she misunderstood me and wants to keep him-forever. I'm not quite willing to relinquish my hold on the Mosey bear.

God bless!

It's Been A Long Time...

2009-04-08T21:02:00.000-06:00

Hello! Sorry for the hiatus. I don't even have a valid excuse, so I'm not going to try. I have some news.

My husband, Derek, has myelofibrosis. Which to put it simply is a blood disease that has turned his bone marrow fibrous. He is in need of a bone marrow transplant.

Now for the good news! His brother is a perfect match! Praise God!

We will be leaving for Seattle on May 4th for 4 months to start the treatment and transplant process. He will need to get chemo for 6 days and then they will give him the transplant.

My wonderful sister Sarah has graciously agreed to let my mom and my kids move into her house for 4 months while we are gone. My wonderful Mother has agreed to watch my 3 kids while we are gone for 4 months. God has blessed me with such wonderful family. I have also found a temporary home for my dogs. God has provided for details that seem small, but are in fact big for me.

I can't describe the ache in my heart when I think about leaving my precious kids. If you could pray for me, I'd appreciate it.

I will keep you updated on the progress of everything!

I get my laptop on Monday! I'm very excited. I'm kind of an electronics junkie. I've really missed this blog! Well that's all for now my 3 readers.

God bless!

Finally...

2008-10-27T14:00:00.000-06:00

Here are pictures of Asher's 1st birthday party (almost 2 months late).

Bob the Tomato cake

Larry the Cucumber cake.

Blowing his candle out

Asher Eating cake

Asher eating some more cake

Megan (sister) and Ashley

Megan, Sarah (sister), and Me

Josh (my BIL) and Brenna (my niece)

My mom and Alison (niece)

Jerry (my BIL) and Alison

A Great Day For Up

2008-10-27T13:52:00.000-06:00

I'm not feeling all that well today and I was throwing a pity party for myself. I was doing great while attending my selfish, sinful gathering.

Then Derek came home to tell me he got his first sale! He was so excited and I for him/us. I praised God (not like I should have though because I was busy attending my party).

Later, Derek and I were at lunch and I hear "Mom, I pooped in the toilet!" (We've been potty training this weekend) I reluctantly left my lunch not expecting much because let's face sometimes 3 year olds don't always tell the whole truth.

But he had indeed pooped in the toilet! He was playing and had to go. So he left what he was doing and sat on the toilet! I was so proud.

God is the best party crasher. And I'm glad!

I Don't Like It When...

2008-10-10T09:10:00.000-06:00

When I get the giggles at the most inappropriate times. Like say during worship at Ladies' Bible Study.

I couldn't control myself and Sarah wasn't helping. Every time I looked at her I was sent into another round of laughter. You know the kind, you try to be quiet, but it's impossible. Your shoulders shake uncontrollably and you cry.

It took a while for me to regain control, but I felt really bad about it after.

(note to self: next time I mess up on a song, don't look at Sarah)

Wal*Mart Is Good For Interesting Encounters

2008-10-09T11:50:00.000-06:00

Interesting conversation at Wal*Mart yesterday. Well, it was kinda funny in a rude way I guess. I was coming out of an aisle and a lady was going up the aisle:

Lady: Are all these kids yours?

Me: Yes, they are 1, 2, and 3.

(She then said something about a granddaughter I couldn't understand)

Lady: Guess you forgot about birth control, ha ha ha. (she actually laughed)

I just walked away, I didn't know what to say. People always pity me and tell me how hard my life must be. I reassure them that I LOVE how close my kids are and we have a blast. I wouldn't trade my kids' ages for anything.

Overhaul

2008-10-06T11:02:00.000-06:00

I'm doing an overhaul of the current way I do things at home. My kids are misbehaving and I'm not happy. The joy of being a stay at home mother and wife is gone from my heart. This all has to do with me. My kids are feeding off of my behavior, in order for change to happen in my children's lives it has to first happen in my life. I got some Godly council and I'm really excited about where these changes will take us. I made a house rules chart and taped it low on my fridge. My kids can't read yet, but I read the rules to them and I'm hoping that seeing the chart will remind them of the rules I set. There are only 4 on there, but they are big ones. The rest of the rules pretty much fall into the 4 categories. I'm praying that the Lord restores the joy of being a wife and mother. Here is the list I taped on my fridge:

Anderson House Rules

1. No hitting, biting, pushing, punching etc…

“Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself: I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:18

2. Listen and Obey with a joyful heart

“Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” Colossians 3:20

3. No jumping, standing, or crawling on the furniture

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” James 1:17

4. Put God First!

“And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”Deuteronomy 6:5-7

Beauty

2008-10-05T23:58:00.000-06:00

What is beauty? Is it merely defined as something that is aesthetically pleasing to the eye? I think this is probably the easiest and quickest definition. There is also the saying ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’.

What about a newborn baby? Or an elderly couple who still have eyes only for each other after 50 years of marriage? The person who stops to serve a complete stranger? Or a Savior willingly giving His life for His creation? These are all demonstrations of true beauty in action. Not the aesthetically pleasing kind, but the innocent, selfless, and truly magnificent kind.

Some people strive their entire lives to become beautiful. It can even be paid for. This beauty, however, is temporary.

True beauty can only be attained when we allow the grace of God to work itself in our lives. When we surrender all control we think we have and give it all to God, we truly become a beautiful masterpiece. A masterpiece created and someday finished by the One who started it all, the one and only Creator of the universe.

“And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.” (Psalm 90:17)

Despair

2008-09-30T16:36:00.000-06:00

What happens when despair threatens to overtake every fiber of our being? When desperation mars our feelings and decisions, it infiltrates and spreads like a disease. It’s the disease of hopelessness.

One of the definitions of disease is listed as:

Any harmful, depraved, or morbid condition, as of the mind or society.

You can guess how this fits in. Despair, hopelessness, desperation and all feelings like it are a morbid condition for us Christians. They prompt us to make bad and rash decisions. Decisions we wouldn’t have otherwise made if we had prayed, read our Bibles, and spent some quiet non-verbal time with God.

19but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot, 20who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you. 21By Him ye believe in God, who raised Him up from the dead and gave Him glory, that your faith and hope might be in God. (1 Peter 1:19-21)

That our faith and hope might be in God! There is never cause to feel desperate or hopeless if our faith and hope is rooted in our never changing, all powerful, loving God.

It is hard, I must admit, when the circumstances staring us down are grim. That’s when our minds need to immediately focus on God. We need to condition ourselves as Christians to have God be our foremost thought when anything good or bad happens.

How do we condition ourselves? It is like any other conditioning method. If we want to run a marathon we don’t simply enter ourselves and go there on race day with some Gatorade and expect to finish. It takes months and months of hard work and training to prepare for something that big.

In our walk with God, we need to condition and train by being in constant communication with Him. Praying, reading, and meditation are all essential. I find myself thinking I have everything under control. I run ahead of Him only to find I am out of shape and have to stop for a moment to catch my breath. That stop I took cost me precious time, time I could have spent in communion with Him. Instead I end up playing catch up, pouring my remorseful, sinful heart out to Him. It’s a setback that should have never happened. I took my eyes off the prize and had a false sense of confidence that I could do it on my own. We all know what happens when we attempt things on our own. I’ll leave you with this.

24Know ye not that those who run in a race all run, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain it. 25And every man that striveth for mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown, but we an incorruptible.26I therefore so run, but not with uncertainty; I so fight, but not as one that beateth the air. (1 Corinthians 9:24-26)

An Inspirational Thought

2008-09-24T12:31:00.000-06:00

Life, at times, is a strange thing. It confounds us. It’s a mystery, a woman leading a man on a merry chase. The man enjoys the chase enough, but what’s driving him is the prize at the end. The thought that he will attain the goal, get the prize. In the man’s case the beautiful woman is something he thinks will satisfy him. Life does this to us. It leads us on many merry chases, chases for fame, fortune, and freedom. Fast cars and pretty houses are things that if we could just grasp even for a fleeting moment will fill us up and leave us…satisfied. Not true though as so many of us know, because behind it all is an ugliness that we’d rather forget exists; the ugliness of our human nature, the drive to get what we want, when we want, and how we want it.

The aforementioned freedom is an elusive thing. It can mean many things to many people. It depends on your position in life. To the inmate it simply means no set schedule, eating when and what you want, and being in a space larger than 8x8x12. To the abused woman it means being free of the daily fear for your life or the life of your children. Being away from the prison her mate has created and that she has felt compelled to remain in. For others who aren’t in as extreme situations it might be freedom from being broke; the prison of pennilessness. It might be freedom from the bondage of pornography, adultery, gluttony, anger, mental illness, depression. Well you get the picture. There are a million things that conflict any one of us at any time and it changes moment to moment. It changes so often it’s hard to keep up with ourselves let alone those we love and care for.

Self-centeredness is a terrible thing. It lies to us. Not only does it make us the center of our own worlds, but it makes us believe that we deserve to be there. Everything important slowly fades from view. It’s a gradual thing of course, as most things are that we wish we could change in hindsight. We never realize it’s happening until we are so deep in we look up and can’t see the light above. When we take a breath it is tainted with the truth, the truth that we have allowed ourselves to be consumed. Consumed by this world we were commanded not to love.

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." (1 John 2:15)

As Christians this balance is difficult to achieve. We are in fact in this world. We are here to minister and witness to God’s never ending glory, mercy, and grace. We also have to go to work every day and participate in the mundane trappings of life. I call them trappings because they become a trap.

“¹Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, ²Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1&2)

This race we are running does in fact take patience. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. With the fast food mentality of our society today we expect instant gratification. Not only for the things which we desire, but for the results we desire. We desire instant triumph at the things we venture to try. Our relationship with Christ is obviously the most important. Despite the fact that we don’t have to be good, we try to. We try to succeed at it when we indeed already achieved the ultimate accomplishment. We succeeded the day we decided to accept Jesus Christ as our savior. The day we realized we were beyond redemption without the shedding of His blood made us victors over sin, this world, and our life. I’ll leave you with this:

“⁵⁵O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? ⁵⁶The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. ⁵⁷But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁵⁸Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:55-58)

Consumption Should Be My Middle Name

2008-09-24T10:29:00.000-06:00

I wrote in my last post about letting things consume me. The problem is that it's all the wrong things. After a much needed fire and brimstone message on Sunday I got to thinking, what if I let God consume me the way I do other things.

I would know the Bible inside and out. The minute anything happened good or bad I would immediately thank and/or pray to God. I'm ashamed to admit I don't already do that consistently. I'm praying that I let God consume every particle of my being. That I not be so easily distracted. Like a kid in a candy store or a toy store. Every shiny bauble catches my attention.

It's a good thing God loves me the way He does and that His forgiveness isn't conditional.

More Of The Same

2008-09-17T10:57:00.000-06:00

I've blogged about writing before. Mostly to keep myself accountable. That did little good however. I have not written much. The fear is still there. It looms every time I sit down to write. I get all of these good stories and sentences in my head and I know I need to write them down, get them out of my head. I sit down and there it is staring me in the face. Fear.

I pray about it, but it doesn't go away. I know why it won't go away, I don't want it to.

I am the type of person that once I start something it utterly consumes me. I don't know how to do things in moderation. When I get a book I have to read it all in one or two sittings. I think the fear with my writing will be that once I give over to the impulse to really write I will complete the stories that have been plaguing me. Then what excuse will I have? None!

Getting published is in God's hands, but I would be lying if I said that's not what I wanted. I do want that, but if it doesn't happen the rejection would be hard to take. Writing is so personal. The stories and characters are such a part of me. I know them. If they reject the story and characters they are rejecting...me.

Two Roads...

2008-09-17T10:19:00.000-06:00

You'll have to indulge a philosophical moment for me.

I feel I am on the precipice of something. Like I am standing at a fork in the road, standing there in indecision, but not really sure of what decision I'm supposed to make or what the decision is regarding. Odd huh?

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
--Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken, stance 4)

I'm Here! I'm Here!

2008-09-05T12:09:00.000-06:00

Hello all! Boy, did I miss you all! We are in fact all moved and unpacked. I love my house and the area we are in. God provided abundantly in this move.

Derek has been in Seattle the past 2 days for training and it's going well. He is really pleased with the job so far and I praise God for that. He has been in jobs the past couple of years that he wasn't thrilled about and now he gets to do something he likes and is good at. God not only provided the essentials, but also blessed us with things our hearts desired. He is so good!

Thank you for all of your prayers. We greatly appreciate them. I love having family around. My kids love playing with their cousins and seeing my mom and sisters.

We went to church this past Sunday and I can't explain the utter peace that stole over me. There was a point during worship where everything faded and it was just me and God. It was a completely perfect moment. My kids enjoyed Sunday school which blessed my heart to no end.

My BFF came over yesterday and spent the night. We stayed up talking until 3 a.m.! It was worth every bit of lost sleep. She was recently married and I couldn't go to the wedding. It was wonderful to get to catch up with her. She and I are perfect for each other as far as friends go and I missed her so much while I was in Montana. I'm probably not making any sense, but I've also only had 3 hours of sleep so you can't blame me.

We've been here for a week and a half and we just now got phone and Internet. Qwest screwed up and we had a challenging first week here, but again God provided us with good neighbors that let us use their phone a couple of times.

While I'm sitting here detailing this all out for you it is blessing my heart all over again to see how God has been more than sufficient through all of it.

We had so much help during the move. My sister's mother-in-law was here while we were unloading keeping an eye on the kids and she vacuumed my house! That woman is a real blessing.

Now that you are all caught up on my life I am looking forward to catching up with all of you. I hope you have all been well while I was away.

God bless!

Joyous Remorse

2008-08-20T16:09:00.000-06:00

We have a house! And while I'm very excited right now, my heart remains sad.

I've angry, frustrated, and irritable while waiting for a house. These emotions have been directed at God, Derek, and my other loved ones. I acted terribly. All because I didn't trust God to come through. I've seen Him do amazing things and I didn't trust Him.

I think back to how it felt when I lost the trust of somebody I loved. It hurt-bad. And I'm just a sinful human being who deserved to lose that trust. God obviously didn't do a thing to lose my trust. He sent His Son to die on the cross for me. He redeemed me. He comforts me. He keeps my children and husband safe. He provides my material needs. And I let him down because He didn't fit into my time table.

I'm deeply ashamed and remorseful. I'm just thankful He's forgiving.

You Learn Something New Every Day

2008-08-11T16:31:00.000-06:00

Ashley informed me of something the other day. Her and Alexander crawled into bed with Derek and I in the morning and the conversation went something like this.

Alexander: Do you have a wee wee (what we call the male private parts)?

Me: No, because I'm a girl.

Ashley: No, you aren't a girl. You're Mama.

Thanks Ashley, that's good to know.

A Couple Of Unrelated Things

2008-08-08T12:11:00.000-06:00

I'm going to write about a couple of things today that don't have anything to do with each other, but since they won 't be really long I didn't want to have a bunch of short posts. So..

1. I've been really stressed lately because we haven't found a house yet. We're moving in 15 days, count it, 15 days! And we still haven't found a place to live. I can't get people to call me back which frustrates me to no end. If the house isn't available just let me know, it's not that hard! Sorry...anyway I had a bad day the other day and when Derek got home I went to our room for some much needed alone time with God. I read the passage in M.U.F.H.H for the day and the verse was..."Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him" (Matthew 6:8) Such an awesome verse for we're going through right now. I had to repent because I've been grouchy and irritable worrying about the housing situation. My dear, patient sister has been wonderful about encouraging me and helping me through this whole process. Derek is so understanding too, he just tries to comfort and reassure me. His presence is such a comfort in times like this.

2. Why in the world did the Green Bay Packers trade Brett Favre?!?!! I mean seriously he is one of the best quarterbacks to ever play the game and will be in the hall of fame someday and you trade him. Great move, I want to know who the bonehead was behind this decision because it was a poorly made one. I don't know who Aaron Rodgers is or what he's done to make the Packers pick him over Brett Favre, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't hold the NFL record for Career Passing Yards, Career Passing Attempts, Career Completions, or Career Touchdown Passes. Because Brett Favre holds those records! I'm not watching one single Green Bay game this season. Mark my words, I will however be watching a few Jets games. There is my sports tirade for now. Now that football season is approaching you will probably reading a few more of those. I'm apologizing ahead of time. I'm also praying that we have enough money after we move to get cable or satellite. I know it's pretty trivial, but I can't stand to watch one game a week of some crappy team NBC decided to air. OK, now my tirade is over.

3. Now for the best news of all. I'm going on a date with Derek tonight! I'm so excited, it's been forever. We need time together too. I can feel the stress of the move starting to get to both of us and sadly we are taking it out on each other. So tonight, we will spend time together and let go of all the stress and tensions that have been building. I'm so stinking excited! I get to wear make-up and clean clothes. I mean I always wear clean clothes, but by the time it's bed time I have hand prints and fingerprints dabbled with jelly, dirt, and some unknown substance I'm scared to find out what it is. God is truly gracious to allow us this night.

It's Hard To Be Honest

2008-08-06T13:35:00.000-06:00

I'm a pretty honest person. I always have been. The first time I said a cuss word, I went home and told my mom I said it.

It's a lot harder to be honest when it comes to character flaws. I have tons of them (no, really I do). One of them being I spend way too much time on the computer. This is really hard to admit.

Today has been a day full of disobedience and discipline. I've felt like all I've done is yell/spank(yes I do that)/pray with them and repeat. To escape it I get on the computer which only makes things worse because I neglect some of their bad behavior. I know they act up to get my attention too. Writing this makes me feel like a terrible mother. I just don't know how to break the cycle.

I make excuses about why I'm on here and blah blah blah. I get my "chores" done, I reason to myself, but it's the quality of day to day life that is suffering. I could do more around the house and play more with my kids etc...

Please pray that I would not be consumed with the computer. That I would enjoy my children and be more active with them during the day. I know I would see a significant improvement in their behavior.

I'm out of words for now. This post, however, does not convey how bad I feel about this.

An Answer to Prayer

2008-08-05T11:21:00.000-06:00

I thought I'd let you all know that Derek told Grandma Kay last night that we are moving. He didn't tell her when we are moving (I can't believe how not into details men are), but she was generally o.k. with it. She knows that we need to go where Derek can get a good job and right now that isn't Butte. I'm sure there will be tears and heart sickness in the future, but God really answered a prayer where she was concerned.

I'm going to try to make these last few weeks great for her and the kids. I want to give her every opportunity to see the kids before we move.

Another prayer is that God will soothe Alexander's tender heart when we move. He is very close to her and will miss her terribly. He has gone before us on all of our concerns and I'm sure He will with this one too.

I guess I shouldn't be amazed at His goodness, but I am. I can't put into words right now how much I am in awe of Him and the works He has done in the last week.

Thank you again for all of your prayers.

An Update

2008-08-05T11:18:00.000-06:00

My kitchen is clean, a load of laundry is going, and my kids are eating lunch. I feel a lot better right now than I did an hour ago.

Now I just need to vacuum the 1 million pounds of dog hair that accumulated in the 2 days since I last vacuumed.

I'm On Here Because...

2008-08-05T09:59:00.001-06:00

I am procrastinating cleaning my house. I know it's horrible; I just don't want to. My horribly dirty kitchen is waiting for me. I also know that if I start on them it won't be that bad. And I will feel really good once they are done.

So...I'm off to un-procrastinate.

It's So On!

2008-08-05T09:54:00.001-06:00

After a set back this weekend we weren't sure if we were going to be moving. After much nervousness that Derek and I had to confess we were at peace with whatever happened. I prayed and prayed that God's will be done. That setback was resolved and now the move is on! God is good!

Sarah is seeing a house for me tonight and I'm praying that it is nice and has a dishwasher. I know I don't need a dishwasher, but I want one so bad. The rent is decent and they will allow my 2 large dogs.

Finding a house is the last big hurdle and then the rest is just manual labor.

I Love It

2008-08-02T09:00:00.000-06:00

When God speaks so directly and clearly. It makes things a lot easier, because in case you haven't noticed I'm pretty dense sometimes. Derek read "My Utmost For His Highest" this morning. He came into the living room and told me I had to read the entries for Aug. 1 & 2.

Now before I tell you what they said I will give you a little back story. Derek and I have been struggling a bit with this move. Mainly because it is such a big move and we want to do the right thing spiritually, financially, and professionally. There are some people in Derek's family who are to say the least critical and skeptical of this move. They have been making us worry and doubt every move we make. I briefly touched on being worried about Grandma Kay. It's a lot bigger than that. I'm sick to my stomach with worry. I actually got up one night and sobbed at the thought of leaving her alone and taking my kids 500 miles away. Reading M.U.F.H.H. this morning put those fears to rest and comforted me in ways I've greatly needed.

August 1 (not the entire entry, but the parts that spoke to me)

"If you stayed home when God told you to go because you were so concerned about your own people there, then you actually robbed them of the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself. When you obeyed and left all the consequences to God, the Lord went into your city to teach, but as long as you were disobedient, you blocked His way. Watch where you begin to debate with Him and put what you call your duty into competition with His commands.If you say, "I know that He told me to go, but my duty is here," it simply means that you do not believe that Jesus means what He says..."Wait on the Lord" and He will work. But don't wait sulking spiritually and feeling sorry for yourself, just because you can't see one inch in front of you! Are we detached enough from our own spiritual fits of emotion to "wait patiently for Him"? Waiting is not sitting with folded hands doing nothing, but it is learning to do what we are told. "

Amazing huh?

August 2 (not the entire entry, but the parts that spoke to me)

"The typical view of the Christian life is that it means being delivered from all adversity. But it actually means being delivered in adversity, which is something very different. "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. No evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling..."(Psalm 91:1, 10)-the place where you are at one with God...God does not give us overcoming life-He gives us life as we overcome. The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. Are you asking God to give you life, liberty, and joy? He cannot, unless you are willing to accept the strain. Overcome your own timidity and take the first step. Then God will give you nourishment-"To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life..."(Revelation 2:7). If you completely give of yourself physically, you become exhausted. But when you give of yourself spiritually, you get more strength. God never gives us strength for tomorrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the moment. Our temptation is to face adversities from the standpoint of our own common sense. But a saint can "be of good cheer" even when seemingly defeated by adversities, because victory is absurdly impossible to everyone, except God."

I know it's long, but it's so great. It spoke volumes to my heart this morning. I am now at complete peace with this move. I know that God has gone before us to work it out. Not that we won't face adversity or complications, but He is building spiritual strength in it. And for that I am grateful for the strains of life.

It's Official

2008-08-01T11:37:00.000-06:00

You know when I asked you all to pray? Well thank you so much! God has led this entire process and Derek is going to sign the offer that the company sent us. We will be moving to Yakima in about a month.

I'm trying not to get overwhelmed with the thought of finding a house (that allows 2 big dogs), packing, and the other million little details I have to figure out and accomplish. The fact remains that God has led the process this far so He will lead it the rest of the way. I'm still worried about Grandma Kay because she absolutely adores my kids and I don't want to leave her alone. I just keep having to give it to God because worrying accomplishes nothing.

I would appreciate your continued prayers. I probably won't be blogging as much this month seeing as how I have abjillion (this is a numerical unit reserved specifically for exaggerating) things to do.

Praise God!

Pictures and a Video

2008-08-01T10:17:00.000-06:00

Alexander lounging.

Alexander wanted to wear his Spiderman boots, hat and gloves. I decided to pick my battles and let him wear it.

Ashley also wanted to wear her hat and gloves. We didn't have her boots so she wanted to wear her Dora shoes.

Ashley's weirdo smile.

Asher the messy eater.

Derek and Asher.

God In His Saving Grace

2008-07-28T08:21:00.001-06:00

My precious Alexander asked Jesus into his heart this morning! How wonderful is that?

Yesterday at dinner Alexander and I had a conversation that went a little something like this:

Alexander: "Where is God?"
Me: "In Heaven."
Alexander: "I want to go there and be with God."
Me(not really knowing what to say): "You can't honey until you die and then you can only get to Heaven if you accept Jesus in your heart."
Alexander: "I want to do that."
Me: Silence

I thought that maybe it was just a 3 year old being curious or something so I praised God for the sweet things he said and sadly did nothing. Until I talked to my Mom this morning and told her about the conversation and she reminded me that God had prompted his heart. That God is calling Alexander early. She also reminded me of the story of Samuel.

So this morning when Alexander got up I reminded him of our conversation yesterday and asked him if he still wanted to accept Jesus in his heart and he said yes. So we prayed and Alexander asked Jesus to come into his heart and save him. I know he probably doesn't know what exactly that means, but he will. And I know God has big plans for him and is indeed calling him early.

I Brought 'Em Back

2008-07-28T08:19:00.000-06:00

I brought the kids' toys up from the basement a couple of days ago. They seem to be doing fine with respecting property so I'm hoping the lesson without their toys made an impact.

I guess we'll see.

I Followed Through

2008-07-20T11:04:00.000-06:00

When I was a kid we were taught to respect our toys. I think it is such an important lesson for kids to learn. That toys cost money and we work hard for our money.

Last night was the last straw. Derek and I checked on the kids before we went to bed and what I found angered me. They had ripped up a book that Ashley had gotten for her birthday. This was after they had broke Ashley's sing and dance My Little Pony a couple of days ago.

It saddened my heart that I had not emphasized respecting property more. It saddened my heart that my kids were breaking things that were gifts that people had put thought and money into.

So this morning I took every toy they owned and put it in the basement. Alexander's bike and fire truck he got for his birthday are also in the basement. I explained to them why we were doing this and I don't think they really get it right now. I know they will though when it comes time for them to play outside or they get bored and want a toy to play with.

It is at that point that I will explain to them again that we respect toys and the like. Because I refuse to have children that think respecting property is a joke and that toys fall out of the sky.

I'm praying that my children absorb this lesson and learn what I'm trying to teach them. I'm also praying that I stay calm and not go crazy when my kids ask me 50 times where this toy is or that toy is.

A Thought I'm Having And Wondering About

2008-07-18T11:41:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I've posted about this before and I'm too lazy to go back through my archives.

I'm a pretty capable person, I can fix a lot of stuff mainly because I like puzzles and I'll sit there until I figure it out. Being raised by a single mother you kinda had to be capable. There weren't any men around to fix stuff for us so we found a way.

If I see a problem around and I can fix it I do. My thought is that Derek works hard all day and the last thing I want him to have to do is come home and try and fix something that might be frustrating. My other thought is that I hope this doesn't make him feel bad. Like maybe he wants to fix stuff because that's his way of taking care of me and the kids. I'd never want to make him feel bad, I just want to help and be an uplifting, encouraging wife.

Those are a couple of thoughts I'm having and wondering about right now.

Thank You All

2008-07-18T09:53:00.000-06:00

I just want to thank you all for praying for Derek and I yesterday. He had a really good trip and was safe. Praise God!

The interview went really well and they are going to the next step now. They want to fly him to Seattle to do a ride along to see how a day of the job goes. If he still likes it after that they will write him up an offer.

We are continually praying that God is the One leading in all of this. We want Him to guide each and every step in this process and so far He has. It's just about submitting my will to His. Sometimes I rush ahead and I know that I need not do that. Thanks again for your prayers, they are much appreciated.

6 Quirky Things

2008-07-17T09:25:00.000-06:00

Nina at Portugal Bound has tagged me for a meme.

Here are the rules of this meme:
1) Link to the person who tagged me.
2) Mention the rules.
3) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself.
4) Tag 6 other blogger´s by linking to them.
5) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.

Here are my 6:

I like High School Musical. And yes I am well aware that it is for 13 year old girls

2. When I was a kid I loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and I had a crush on Leonardo, the turtle with the blue bandanna. Again I'm well aware he was a turtle and the only thing distinguishing him for the other turtles was the color of his bandanna.

3. I hate it when people are rude. There is no excuse at all for being rude.

4. I love to watch old married couples and it brings tears to my eyes every time. I love that they've been married so long that they don't even need to speak, they just know what eachother is thinking and feeling at that very moment.

5. I make Derek crafts that I remember from grade school out of contruction paper. I cut the hearts out and use a glue stick just like we did in grade school. It's the only way I know how to be "crafty"-Yes I do realize I'm a dork.

6. I love to shave my legs and I do it every day. I love the feeling of newly shaved legs and it makes me feel prettier for some reason.

And now for the 6 lucky people...

Amy Beth at Ministry So Fabulous!

Grace at LifePerQs Plus

Rachel at A Heart Assessment

Sarah at A Beautiful Mess

Candee at Marchant Family

Melissa at Send Snail Mail!

Quiet My Anxious Heart

2008-07-15T16:53:00.000-06:00

Some prayer would be appreciated for me and my family this week. Derek has an interview with a company on Thursday. The position is in Washington which is great because I miss my family and church family so much.

However, we want to go where God wants us. Please pray that our hearts would not be anxious in this time. That we would be wise. That Derek would be safe when he travels to the interview.

I appreciate all of your prayers and thank you for listening.

Birthday Party Pictures

2008-07-14T11:05:00.000-06:00

This is the cake Grandma Kay ordered for Alexander.

This is the cake I made for Alexander.

Alexander and His cakes.

Alexander, Carl, and Andy. Derek lighting the candles.

Alexander opening my Mom's and sister's present-Thomas the train toddler bedding set.

Alexander in his Hulk costume from Uncle Joe. The big hands make noises and say phrases when you "punch".

On his bike.
Alexander and Grandma Kay.

Ashley eating cake.

Happy Anniversary

2008-07-11T10:35:00.000-06:00

Happy 10th Anniversary Josh and Sarah! Hope you guys have a great day!

Happy Birthday!!

2008-07-11T10:19:00.000-06:00

It is Alexander's birthday today! He is 3 years old. This little boy blesses my heart so much. He has the most giving heart. He's always wanting to help. He also will hug me and tell me he loves me for no reason at all.

The sad thing is that I can't tell him it's his birthday today. We aren't having his party until Sunday and since he probably doesn't understand why he can't have his cake and presents today since it is actually his birthday I'm saving the hoopla for Sunday.

He will finally get his bike, he's been talking about it for months and months. I'm attempting a car cake. I will post pictures after I make it. Let's pray it's a little tastier than Ashley's. The writing gel on her cake, I found out, wasn't actually writing gel-it was food coloring. No writing gel this time, I should be safe.

40 Things You Know, Might Not Know, or Might Not Want To Know

2008-07-10T09:24:00.000-06:00

These are in random order as they come to me. I hope that knowing these things doesn't repel you from my blog.

I hate ketchup, the smell actually makes me gag.
I love to read, absolutely love it.
I love electronics, I could go bankrupt buying them just so I could play with them.
I'm addicted to puzzles.
I can't clean hair out of the drain, it makes me sick.
I love to write and have two books started.
I'm petrified that my books are terrible and I'm scared to keep writing them.
I want a black and white Great Dane someday.
I will name him Duke.
I secretly wish I had a superpower-I'm a geek, I know.
I love football.
I'm extremely competitive.
I love to run long distances.
I have horrible handwriting.
I often don't think I'm very pretty.
Red is my favorite color.
I'm a junk food junkie.
I love to cook.
I love romance movies, even the teenage ones.
I love carnival rides and roller coasters.
I cry at Halmark commercials.
If I had the money and space I would take in every abused child I could.
Large crowds scare me.
I'll only drink coffee I make at home.
I don't like Starbucks.
I like my steak blood rare.
I love making lists and crossing things off.
I like doing laundry.
I love getting up early.
I want to start a ministry someday.
I want a paint horse
I will name him Charlie.
I love to bowl, but am terrible at it.
I had a dog named Sushi.
And a cat named Sam-Daisy.
I like black licorice.
If I get a present in the mail before my birthday I open it.
Derek and I didn't kiss until our wedding.
I love the smell of new plastic.
I love the smell of tires

My Heart Is Full

2008-07-07T20:00:00.000-06:00

My heart feels full right now. You know that full of emotion feeling? I feel like I'm going to cry as I write this.

My sister Sarah and I are finally close and it's wonderful. I can honestly say she is now one of my best friends.

I was catching up on her blog today and for some reason I got emotional. It seemed like she was struggling a bit and I felt like I needed to blog about how great she is even though she doesn't know it. Because honestly I think feeling insecure comes with the mom/housewife territory.

She has such a big heart and loves to help. When she came here to visit I think she did my dishes 500 times. I love her and thank God that He gave us a 50th chance to be more than just two girls who happened to have the same Mom.

I'm telling you Sarah-You are a great mother, wife, friend, and sister. You are doing a great job and I'm praying for you.

Some Pictures Of My New Van

2008-06-30T21:06:00.000-06:00

2 hours ago Derek and I purchased a 1992 Dodge Caravan. Derek saw it as he was driving home from work on Saturday. We called the guy and were able to see it right away. It was all so easy and so God! We had some money saved so we offered him what we had and the guy agreed. I love it and what I love even more is that I don't have to make a car payment. It was also exciting that there is a CD player in it. I think God did that just for me. I praise God so much for this, we really needed a bigger vehicle. 3 more pounds and Asher will have to be in a forward facing car seat and then we all won't fit in our Nissan Maxima. God is good!

I'm Sad To Report

2008-06-29T21:21:00.000-06:00

I'm sad to report that we didn't try a church today. I'm sad because I really want to find a church, but it is so discouraging when it doesn't work out.

I would appreciate everyone's prayers while we go through our "hunt".

We Tried Another One

2008-06-22T16:13:00.001-06:00

We went to a new church today, the United Church of Christ.

Now before I go any further I just want to say that these were some of the nicest people I've met in a long time. They welcomed us with open arms.

Now to why we are not going back. Much to our surprise the pastor was a woman and I don't agree with it (1 Timothy 2:12). The pastor also told Derek "We welcome homosexuals with open arms". I'm not saying they don't need God's love because they do! I'm also not saying that they shouldn't be in church, how else will they know that they are living in sin? But by welcoming them into their church without telling them that their behavior is wrong and sinful they are condoning the lifestyle of homosexuality. Which God clearly states is a sin. I just don't want my children growing up thinking that's o.k.

I'm praying for all of these people. I'm also praying that we find a church soon.

An Arachnophobia Moment

2008-06-19T21:29:00.000-06:00

Have you ever seen the movie Arachnophobia? It's awesome and awful all at the same time. I don't have an irrational fear of spiders, not like my mother :) I don't usually freak out when I see them, I just try to find something nearby to spray or squish them with.

It was a funny moment today though. There is a scene in the movie where somebody goes to turn a lamp off and the spider comes down and bites their hand and they die--instantly. Well today I had to turn this pipe on so the water outside worked. So I had to go in the basement and if you've ever seen a horror movie you know that's where all the bad stuff happens. I turn on the light and it isn't working in the back room of the basement so I had to put a light bulb in the light fixture in the ceiling. So when I take the cover off this scene from the movie flashed in my mind, I kinda giggled then thought "this would be funny to blog about" I got the light bulb screwed in without any death spiders getting me, but now I had to turn the handle on the pipe that was in the ceiling which is actually the floor. I reach my hand out to turn the handle (while I'm standing on a wobbly desk) and the scene flashes in my mind again. I got it turned and then beat it out of there before any huge deadly spiders got me. I'm proud to say I'm alive to write about it. If you've seen the movie I have no doubt that your skin is crawling and you are looking down to make sure that isn't a spider crawling on your arm.

Selfishness Abounds

2008-06-18T09:07:00.000-06:00

You know how I've been in a funk lately? You know how I've been kinda sad and in a weird place? Well, after a much needed devotional time this morning God gently pointed out that it was all rooted in my selfishness. I was the problem, who would have known?

I certainly didn't. I kept thinking, it isn't me. It's the kids not behaving, or God isn't answering my prayers, or I deserve time to myself. I don't deserve anything except hell, but God in all His wonderful mercy, grace, and love chose to save me from myself and my sins. Even if I sometimes slip back into my old ways. I praise God for the gentle and much needed reminder. God is good!

We Tried...We Really Did

2008-06-16T09:29:00.000-06:00

Derek and I decided that we were going to start going to church again. So I got out the phone book and decided on one.

We got up yesterday and got all ready. We were out of the house at 9 because church started at 9:30. We wanted to get there early to find the nursery, seats, etc...

Much to our surprise there isn't anybody in the nursery, we thought maybe they will come later. We were wrong. They didn't come at all. The pastor told us that they have a cry room and that we could sit back there. They had some toys and books and my kids were interested...for a while. By the time service started Asher had woke up from his nap and Alexander and Ashley were bored with the toys. While everyone was standing up and the pastor couldn't see us we left. Yup, that's right...we left.

It was a disappointment, but there is always next Sunday. I know God has a church for us and we are going to keep trying until we find it.

Pictures and a Video

2008-06-13T08:00:00.000-06:00

Alison in the bassinet, she's really happy right now :)

Ashley and Jaylee hugging. As you can tell they are pretty excited about it.

Alexander, Asher, Ashley, Alison, and Jaylee.

This is one of Ashley's cakes.

Ashley's butterfly cake (I tried)

I took this video a couple of days ago. We had a snow WARNING. It snowed all day long! I was pretty mad, let me tell ya.

Weird Place

2008-06-13T07:55:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel really weird, but don't know what's wrong? I'm in a funk right now. I don't feel like doing the usual stuff. I just want to stay home and I don't really feel like conversing a whole lot. It's really frustrating because I don't exactly know what's going on. I try to pray and and feels like my prayers hit the ceiling. I know God's there, but I don't feel Him there.

I thought maybe my loyal readers *smile* were wondering where I was, so I thought I'd reassure everyone that I am o.k. I'm just wallowing in my funky state unsure of how to get out.

Unbelievable

2008-06-06T09:35:00.000-06:00

This is what I woke up to on Wednesday morning. I've never seen snow in June before. It's crazy and I've decided that I hate it.

The Darkness Is Crowding In

2008-06-06T09:18:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel like the darkness is crowding in? Do you feel like it is smothering you and making you feel like you are the only person in the world experiencing that kind loneliness and sadness? I do. Then the depression sets in. It is at that time that we are vulnerable to attacks. Attacks on our mind, emotions, and spirit. There is good news though!

"For thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness." Psalm 18:28

King David wrote that after God delivered him from Saul and all his enemies. I'm sure David frequently felt alone. He had been crowned king of a country that he couldn't rule. He was on the run for his life, but David knew God was with him always.

We need to claim that in the times when the darkness is so thick we can feel it. God promised to "never leave us nor forsake us" We are never completely alone.

Are You Obesessed With Something?

2008-06-02T16:55:00.000-06:00

I know I am. Internet, books, t.v., electronics, etc... This was the title from "My Utmost For His Highest" that I read this morning. It was amazing and really got my heart thinking. Here are some excerpts I'd like to share with you.

"The total being of our life inside and out is to be absolutely obsessed by the presence of God. A child's awareness is so absorbed in his mother that although he is not consciously thinking of her, when a problem arises, the abiding relationship is that with the mother (we know this is true). In that same way, we are to "live and move and have our being" in God (Acts 17:28), looking everything in relation to Him, because our abiding awareness of Him continually pushes itself to the forefront of our lives.
If we are obsessed by God, nothing else can get into our lives--not concerns, nor tribulation, nor worries. And now we understand why our Lord so emphasized the sin of worrying. How can we dare to be so absolutely unbelieving when God totally surrounds us. To be obsessed by God is to have an effective barricade against all the assaults of the enemy."

Isn't that amazing? I thought I'd share that with you and hopefully it helps your heart as much as it helped mine.

Advice Would Be Greatly Appreciated

2008-05-31T09:22:00.001-06:00

My lovely baby girl Ashley is sometimes not so lovely. I will be very honest here and say she is a brat. I love her to death, but don't know what to do. She talks back, hits her brother, screams etc... I discipline, I spank and they don't seem to have an affect on her. Has anyone else experienced a problem with their child like this. I don't want her acting like this. I don't want her being the type of child that misbehaves and people don't want to be around her. I've seen children like that and it's awful. I know this is my responsibility and that is why I'm reaching out and asking for help. I would appreciate any type of advice or direction you could provide. Thanks and God bless!

7 Days and Counting

2008-05-31T08:41:00.000-06:00

7 days until my lovely baby girl turns 2. I can't believe she is going to be 2, how fast the time has gone. I'm pretty excited for her party. I will be attempting a butterfly cake, which I've never done before. Here is a picture of the cake. I'll post a picture of the cake after I do it, I guess we'll see if it looks anything like the picture.

It is also 7 days until this wonderful little family comes to visit me. I am so excited! It has been over a year since I've seen my sister, brother-in-law, and niece. And now I get to see my new little niece! It's very exciting stuff.

This brings up new points I want to share though. I wonder if everybody feels this way. My sister coming makes me a little nervous because I'm worried that my house won't be clean or my kids won't behave well or the dinner I make will be gross. Not that my sister will judge me, but I'm worried for some reason. Does everybody worry about this kind of stuff? Isn't funny how we want to look in front of people? I guess it is all pride. Because a lot of the time my house looks cluttered with socks that my kids randomly take off and toys they like to play with and dog hair. Oh the dog hair! Sometimes my dinners don't turn out and sometimes my kids throw tantrums and yell. In the mornings I give them "frosting cookies" and fruit snacks, which in my defense in followed by oatmeal and fruit. I just want to appear my best I guess and now that I've written this down it appears silly.

Anyway, I'm ecstatic! Now that I've gotten my weird hang-up out of my head I can relax. Have a good Saturday everyone!