It's Hard To Be Honest

I'm a pretty honest person. I always have been. The first time I said a cuss word, I went home and told my mom I said it.

It's a lot harder to be honest when it comes to character flaws. I have tons of them (no, really I do). One of them being I spend way too much time on the computer. This is really hard to admit.

Today has been a day full of disobedience and discipline. I've felt like all I've done is yell/spank(yes I do that)/pray with them and repeat. To escape it I get on the computer which only makes things worse because I neglect some of their bad behavior. I know they act up to get my attention too. Writing this makes me feel like a terrible mother. I just don't know how to break the cycle.

I make excuses about why I'm on here and blah blah blah. I get my "chores" done, I reason to myself, but it's the quality of day to day life that is suffering. I could do more around the house and play more with my kids etc...

Please pray that I would not be consumed with the computer. That I would enjoy my children and be more active with them during the day. I know I would see a significant improvement in their behavior.

I'm out of words for now. This post, however, does not convey how bad I feel about this.